The great wait for Kate begins.

Amys alive. Thats all I know. The midwife is holding my face in her hands and places a kiss on my cheek and together we pray. It stops me from screaming. Amy is ventalated straight away and I get a glimpse of the tiniest person I have ever seen in the world. Thats my third born, thats my precious daughter been taken away from me. At that point I feel so useless. I feel I’m a failure as a mother as a wife and as a woman. The next few hours go in a blur. The consultant comes around. He explains that often when one twin is born and if the remaining twin stays in utero the chances of survival are very slim. To be honest I just let it go over my head. I’m in total stock. What I didnt realise at that point was that I was very ill too. Hubby (whos a nurse) keeps talking to the nurses outside. Again all goes over my head.

On Saturday morning the desicion is made to induce the second twin. I’m put on the magical drip (which I’ve had before not pleasant). I expect things to go fast but two hours in and we are still waiting for the first pain! I sit on the exercise ball, I walk the corridor but nothing. At 8pm that night I am checked over by a doctor. The conversation turns to C-section but after weighing up the pros and cons we decide to let nature take its course. I have never ever felt so low. Its the bank holiday Saturday night and lots and lots of babies arrive into the world. Its wonderful but heartbreaking every time I hear new lungs take the first breath of air. I’m not sure if I’ll ever hear it.

Sunday has arrived. Everyone is amazed that twin 2 hasnt arrived. Two days between them, thats mad I’m told!! The grandparents are brought into Neo-natal unit to see Amy. I havent seen her since as I havent left the labour ward. The older two kids are left in to see me. We need to explain the situation to them. Tears everywhere. I thought I had hit my lowest point.. I was wrong this is hell on earth….

Life with never be the same again.

The dotor finally comes round, the midwife tells me it will all be fine. The doctor wants to examine me so I pop up on the bed. Next thing I feel something and straight away I know my waters are gone. I’m 23 weeks and 5 days. I terrified, I’m angry and I want it fixed NOW!! But theres no way back this is it. I’m very sorry ma’m but your having a threatned miscarrige I’m told. NO!! not at this stage.. they can survive. I ask for the steroid injection but because I’m not 24 weeks I dont qualify. I’m soo so angry. I’m told I will have to stay in hospital until these babies are born!! but thats 4 months away. I cant stay here for four months!!!! You can last hours or even months after you waters break before labour begins. I’m admitted straight away, welcome to my new home. Im the fussiest eater and I hate sharing my space with strangers. God this is going to be a nightmare, The next morning I see things differently, if stayin in the hospital helps my babies so be it I’ll survive. I have a scan on the Thursday morning 31st May. All seems good and theres still some fluid around baby A. Apparently they produce their own and recycle it. I’m 24weeeks tomorrow. The consultant is doing his rounds and calls in. If you can get to 26 weeks the chance of survival increases so much, Every day is a bonus now. I just dont want them born yet. I’m not ready they are not ready hubby not ready. I stay in bed and pray for the rest of the day.

That night I’m nodding off to sleep when I get a darting pain in side bad enough to make me sit up, then it hits me again and again. Its not contractions, no way. I think its a baby lying on a nerve. Ok so not only do I have to stay in hospital for the next four months but i have nerve  pain too. AFter a few hours I have to call a nurse, and at this stage I’m standing up leaning against the wall in agony.. but theres no way I’m in labour !! I’m brought over to the labour ward and I’m so convinced that I’m not in labour that I dont even ring hubby to tell him! I’m put on painkillers and given gas and air. Bit extreme I think for nerve pain. A  paediatrician calls into explain what will happen, and the only thing I remember him saying was.. we will work on her if its a viable life, if shes flat when shes born they wont do anything. I’m examined by a doctor in the early hours and I’m not dialated, see I’m not in labour!! The pains finally calm down and I fall asleep. I’m woken by the day staff, the midwife asks how I am, grand now thanks ready to go back to the ward. She leaves me for a minute when all of a sudden Amy arrives into the world!!! I scream for the nurse the next thing I remember is lying on the bed with the room full of midwifes and doctors, neo natal nurses and paediatricians. Its all wrong this wasnt the way it was meant to be. I cover my face I cant look….

Its another visit to the labour ward!

I’m lying on the couch at home still trying to regain my strength after my mysterious illness  when I get a phone call, my sister in law is pregnant too and guess what??? its twins too!! Its only the middle of May but I just cant wait for christmas, and seeing four little babies and santa visiting, its going to be fantastic. I’m back for my anomaly scan at 20 weeks. I’m so nervous as I have been so sick but I’m very carefully checked especially as I relay my fears to them. Everything is perfect. I do get a shock though when the midwife tells me its two girls!!!!! Cant believe it. It feels to good to be true, Now dont get me wrong, girls boys whatever it didnt matter, but straight away I can visualise two little princesses dressed in pretty dresses playing hand in hand. My heart is pounding with love I even cry. A few days later I get a call from the hospital asking me to come in for a chat about my results, it seems I had food poisioning and they want to make sure its left my body. Well that expalains the hospital stay in early May. Hopefully thats it now and it will be plain sailing from here in.I’m back in work after 2 weeks off sick. I still feel ill and look awful still the show must go on. I request lighter duties as I’m just not able for any more.

Its Wednesday May 30th, I have severe pressure in my lower abdomen and I just dont feel right. I ring the labour ward yet again and they advise me to come in and bring an over night bag just in case. I leave work and as Im heading back to my car I have a funny sensation but not funny haha just funny weird. I head home take a shower and get my bag ready. I take a look around my house before I leave not knowing it will be three months before I live there again. Mother takes the older two kids and hubby already works in the hospital so i give him a shout to let him know that i’m on the way in. Should be home and in bed in a few hours………..

The next leg of my journey.

The first thing to change was me becoming a non smoker. I didnt realise my last cigarette was in fact my last cigarette. I’ll do anything for these babies. Ive been taking my folic acid for a year now so I’m covered there. I’m a great believer that you are what you eat so I get the best balance I can in my diet. Plenty of water and rest too. I’m as fit and healthy as I can be, theres no more I can do. Started to get a few bits and pieces for babies, because theres two I want to be prepared.

I feel its going to be a boy and a girl. I have a scan at 17 weeks and yep the midwife thinks its a boy and a girl. Both are doing great getting big now. It’s the May bank holiday weekend 2012 I’m looking forward to three days of nothing. I’m standing on the sideline of my sons match on the Saturday morning and all of a sudden I feel really ill. I go back to the car to sit down. I suffer with bad IBS so maybe its that. As the day goes on the pain gets unreal! I go to bed and hope for the best. I’m not there long before I’m running to the loo!! every half an hour even through the night. On Sunday morning I feel so bad, I ring the labour ward and I’m told to come in. Better be safe than sorry, thankfully all is ok and I eventually go home. Bad news… I’m ill again all Sunday night. I ring the ward again on Monday morning as ….. sorry if tmi but my wee is orange!!!!! This time I’m kept in as theres ketones in my urine. I’m put on a drip and observed over night. I’m scared but I believe no harm will come to my babies, I got an extra scan to be sure.. or to shut me up! I head home on the Tuesday evening. I’m exhausted and down a half stone which normally I’d be thrilled about, not today though. Time to recover.

From the start.

Its early January 2012. Finally after 10 years i saw the little blue line. Dont think i could be any more excited.I know I’m very lucky already with a daughter and son. I’m 32 now and they are 12 and 10 but something inside me said your not finished yet. My freinds thought I was crazy to start a family at this stage in my life. Go out have your life now have fun they told me. But the need for another baby was too huge to ignore.

Since October 2009 my health was not good. I was advised to wait a while before we tried for a baby. At last things are on track and baby is joining the family. At 7 weeks I have a little scare. Up to then Ive been great very tired and plenty of morning sickness but felt good. I have to go to the hospital for a scan. I see the screen but it looks different, why? I ask. Its twins right?? The doctor confirms that yep theres two there!!! Funny thing though my husband said it to me a couple of weeks before. Now twins is not unusual in m family and to be honest i always hoped for twins. We go for coffee after and sit staring into space then every now and again burst out laughing. Loads went through my mind. How will we cope with twin babies and two basically teenagrs? How will we deal with the financial burden. None the less we were having twins!!!!