Ventilator be gone

Amys tiny little lungs just wont get better. The ventilator is preventing them from growing and healing but she needs it to stay alive. . Looks like the only option we have is to give her steroid. Its not straight forward though, as with everything there are side effects. No point dwelling on them too much though she has to have them. We are sick with worry wondering the effect our decision will have on our daughter. I pay her a visit that afternoon and as I’m sitting beside her incubator looking her she turns her head looks directly in my eye and pulls her ventilator. I can see the pain shes in. She has been very uncomfortable and restless recently. My heart breaks. I’d do anything at that moment to take away her pain. I head back up to the ward and cry into my pillow. I cant wait til the steroids now.

I’ve been here three weeks already and I’m actually getting used to it. I know all the nurses here and the midwifes call over from the labour ward to check up on me. Everyone is so wonderful. Katie is growing at a great rate, she is being constantly monitored too. The day of the steroids finally come, they work a treat!! Finally after 24 days of being ventilated Amy is on CPAP, (oxygen delivered through the nasal passage). Sometimes the little babies cant cope and need the ventilator back hopefully this wont be the case. I’ve been visiting neo as usual and she looks so different now.

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