The bumps in the road start to show.

First off apologies for lack of updates my big babies started back in school and it took me this long to get my backside in gear!


The minutes roll into the hours which roll into long days and lonely nights. I tell people not to visit I’m not up to it but to be honest I hate seeing worried faces staring at me not knowing what to say. I still manage to keep positive though. I have finally been able to read some of the booklet we were given from neo natal. Its harsh and I tell myself we are going to have to deal with everything in this, I feel maybe if I’m prepared it wont be as bad if something happens, again I’m terrifed of getting a fright body going into shock and Katie arriving. Amys doing good we are a few weeks in now and she hasnt done anything to cause too much concern. Weight gain is poor but in fairness the baby is trying to stay alive so give her a chance, this is a marathon not a sprint. Hubby and the kids call in. The kids share their school reports with me while dad goes down stairs to have a chat with Amy. The kids are going through each of the good comments beaming with pride. Its so good to see them smile again. Hubby comes back too soon and he is grey in the face…. I know its not good… Shes had a bleed on her brain he blurts out.. OH GOD this is the start of it, and you know what no amount of reading prepares you for it. I’m sick. I ask him a hundred questions there and then, none of which he can answer. When they leave I head down to see whats happening. She looks the very same, and why wouldnt she its internal, just didnt know what to expect. These bleeds are graded and hers is between a 2 and a 3 it goes to 5 which is most severe. Of course I want it fixed  and I want it done now. Nothing can be done I’m told, we have to wait and see what effect it has on her. Ah shite more waiting!!!!!!!


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