Im going on a little trip.

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Today is Monday its strange because I’m now 24 weeks and 3 days and I’m also 3 days post partum. Hormones everywhere. Milk starts to come in and I ask about expressing for Amy shes so small she needs all the goodness she can get. After having a chat I decide against it as I am still pregnant. Katie is doing well in utreo still so lets not rock the boat. SOme wonderful women out there have donated their own excess milk which is pasturised and sent on to neo natal units all over the country. As soon as they feel Amy can have some, she will drink doner breast milk. I remember hearing about this a long time ago when I was young and ignorant and thought yuk imagine giving your baby another womans milk. I can tell you now, I am so utterly grateful to those wonderful mammys. My belly looks funny too, my bump where katie is still sits high and firm but the place that was Amys home for 24 weeks is now saggy!! The wonderful neo natal nurses visit me alot today. They bring lots of photos that were taken in the unit. Between seeing the photos and hormones all over the place I cry pretty much for the whole day. God help hubby, not only does he have to deal with his daughter fighting for her life and worry about Katie he now has to listen to me! (He deserves a medal)
Im still on antiboitics and very regular obs. My bloods are clear now and I dont have a temp. The room is starting to resemble my bedroom with boxes of pregnacare and omegas along with food, I’m determined to get Katie as good as I can in the time I have..

Today is Tuesday and I’m brought out of the labour ward for the first time since I arrived Thursday night. I’m brought for a scan. I’m petrified. No need to be though as Katie is as happy as larry. Nothing too strange except for one baby two placentas. On the way back the midwife and hubby suggest calling into see Amy. I’m not sure. I know that must sound awful but I’m so devasted by her arrival I think I’ll crack up altogether when I see her and it will bring on Katie… We pause outside the doors for a minute and I decide lets just do it. I’m in a wheelchair being pushed down what seems like the longest corridor in the world. I’m trembling and I feel sick. I dont remember going into the unit, I just remember standing up at the incubator and seeing my tiny fragile daughter. My head is spinning, my heart is heavy and my soul feels empty. Her tiny eyes are still fused. I can see every rib and bone in her chest. Her fingers are translucent. Jesus why did she have to be born so soon. The tears just fall.

I’m just going to leave the contact details here for the doner breastmilk bank.
04868628333 or from NI call 02868628333.. Thanks

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One thought on “Im going on a little trip.

  1. It’s such a privillege to read your story! What an emotional struggle it must have been to live through these days – and almost as hard to record them, I should think!

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