Life with never be the same again.

The dotor finally comes round, the midwife tells me it will all be fine. The doctor wants to examine me so I pop up on the bed. Next thing I feel something and straight away I know my waters are gone. I’m 23 weeks and 5 days. I terrified, I’m angry and I want it fixed NOW!! But theres no way back this is it. I’m very sorry ma’m but your having a threatned miscarrige I’m told. NO!! not at this stage.. they can survive. I ask for the steroid injection but because I’m not 24 weeks I dont qualify. I’m soo so angry. I’m told I will have to stay in hospital until these babies are born!! but thats 4 months away. I cant stay here for four months!!!! You can last hours or even months after you waters break before labour begins. I’m admitted straight away, welcome to my new home. Im the fussiest eater and I hate sharing my space with strangers. God this is going to be a nightmare, The next morning I see things differently, if stayin in the hospital helps my babies so be it I’ll survive. I have a scan on the Thursday morning 31st May. All seems good and theres still some fluid around baby A. Apparently they produce their own and recycle it. I’m 24weeeks tomorrow. The consultant is doing his rounds and calls in. If you can get to 26 weeks the chance of survival increases so much, Every day is a bonus now. I just dont want them born yet. I’m not ready they are not ready hubby not ready. I stay in bed and pray for the rest of the day.

That night I’m nodding off to sleep when I get a darting pain in side bad enough to make me sit up, then it hits me again and again. Its not contractions, no way. I think its a baby lying on a nerve. Ok so not only do I have to stay in hospital for the next four months but i have nerve  pain too. AFter a few hours I have to call a nurse, and at this stage I’m standing up leaning against the wall in agony.. but theres no way I’m in labour !! I’m brought over to the labour ward and I’m so convinced that I’m not in labour that I dont even ring hubby to tell him! I’m put on painkillers and given gas and air. Bit extreme I think for nerve pain. A  paediatrician calls into explain what will happen, and the only thing I remember him saying was.. we will work on her if its a viable life, if shes flat when shes born they wont do anything. I’m examined by a doctor in the early hours and I’m not dialated, see I’m not in labour!! The pains finally calm down and I fall asleep. I’m woken by the day staff, the midwife asks how I am, grand now thanks ready to go back to the ward. She leaves me for a minute when all of a sudden Amy arrives into the world!!! I scream for the nurse the next thing I remember is lying on the bed with the room full of midwifes and doctors, neo natal nurses and paediatricians. Its all wrong this wasnt the way it was meant to be. I cover my face I cant look….

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